


An old loved song

by ca_te



Category: Death Note
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-05
Updated: 2010-09-05
Packaged: 2017-10-11 12:10:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ca_te/pseuds/ca_te
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written on 19th May 2009. 1st person from Matt's POV</p>
    </blockquote>





	An old loved song

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zorrie816](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=zorrie816).



> Written on 19th May 2009. 1st person from Matt's POV

I've always loved music. I've always singed under the shower.

I like when the water hits hard my back, as needles. I keep my head under the water, till my hair is glued to my face and my ears full of water.

My mum taught me some songs. The first month I spent at Whammy's I kept repeating them in my mind every night. I remember that I didn't understand why Mello kept praying instead. There was nothing more clear for me than the absence of Someone looking after us.

 

Mello used to hit me at the beginning. He said I was irritating. I used to take the beating, and then go up to our room. I used to watch my face in the mirror. A black eye, a broken lip. Then I washed my face, and waited for those marks to fade away.

Then one day Mello did what doomed me. He didn't hit me, he sat at my side, and remained there, in silence as I played the same game for something like the fourth time. I was nervous, I pressed pause and remained still.

"It was time you quitted that shit!". He was blond and tiny, still words were like blades when they escaped his lips.

I just looked at my feet, goggles covering my eyes as always. I was sweating. I was more scared than when he hit me.

" The cat has eaten you tongue, uh?"

Then he grabbed my hand. He was little but he was quite strong. I tried to keep my balance

" You're going to play today."

I tried to speak.

" This is what I've decided".

That day I played soccer for the first time in my life. At the end my knees were almost destroyed. Then we went back to our room, Mello took a look at them and began to disinfect the scratches. It was painful. He gave me a piece of chocolate and told me to shut the hell up.

His fingers were light over my wounds.

 

And as I said I was doomed. 'Cause from that day on something started to form and grow inside of me. Every time I was with him, every time he grabbed my hand. For years.

Then came the first time I woke up in the middle of the night. I was hard, and I didn't know what to do at all. I knew without even thinking about it that I had dreamt of him. I looked down, between my tights. I began to sing one of my mom's song. Slowly, to calm me down. I bit my lower lip as Mello shifted in his bed. His neck was exposed in the dim light.

I knew it was wrong. Sometimes I think it till now, although I've never believed in hell or heaven. But I've always known that Mello is my destiny, Mello is my life and my death.

That night I touched myself for the first time, without even knowing how I was supposed to do that, without knowing what to think about. I touched myself looking at his blond hair and humming an old song.

The morning after I waited till Mello went to breakfast and then washed myself. I remained under the shower, thinking about him, about his little body, his little smiles.

The thing continued to grow and Mello began a deity to me.

He was in the middle of his fourteen. He was the most gorgeous creature that fate had created.

He still is. Now before going to bed I no longer repeat songs, I think about his name, and let it expand inside of me.

 

And a night Mello came to me. And I went to him.

We both were drunk. We had bought some beers and some gin during our afternoon out. We had hidden them under our vests. Mello had chuckled all the time, it was such a overwhelming sound. Like small stones under cold water. Yes, I've always been so cliché. But what can I do in the end? I mean why do I have to throw time away trying to change when I've only this short life?

That was one of the first time we had drunk. Our room was full of the smoke of my cigarettes and of beer cans. Mello was sitting in all his beauty and his power. What I felt for him scared the hell out of me. It was simply too much for a normal human being. I pressed the but of a cigarette against the bottom of an ashtray and lighted another one. Mello left his empty can on the floor.

\- Hey, Matt.

\- Uh?

\- Would you follow me wherever I go?

My heart went lost. I kept my gaze down, feeling my cheeks becoming hotter, and not for the alcohol.

\- Y-yes.

\- Would you do whatever I wish?

I felt something becoming liquid inside of me. Maybe somehow I knew that answer would decide my future, would clear up my feelings once for all.

I swallowed and licked my lips.

\- I'm afraid I'd do that.

I didn't lift my gaze but I heard him shifting and coming closer. I was scared again. Like that day he didn't hit me. 'Cause with Mello you never know where things are going to bring you.

And he was so close, I wanted to kiss every inch of him. From the ankles to the eyelashes. His eyelashes where blond as his hair, and so delicate.

\- Then kiss me!

His lips were thin and a little parted. I knew I shouldn't, he was drunk and he was Mello but…

I just leaned towards him and cupped his cheeks in my hands. His eyes were wide open. For an instant I had the sensation he was studying my reactions but when our lips were almost touching his eyes fluttered closed. I felt something starting to somersaults inside of me as I closed mine and kissed him.

His tongue was little and fast. I let a moan escape me and go rolling in his perfect mouth. We broke apart and he grinned.

\- Don't do that, Matty. Or I'll ask for more.

\- Uh?

His fingers were long and elegant and his skin was fresh over mine. He just grabbed my hand and brought it to his groin. I almost bit my tongue off as I felt the bulge of his erection pressing against my palm. He withdrew his hand but I kept mine there, almost mesmerized.

My deity was turned on by me.

He bucked his hip a bit and I almost moaned.

His long fingers came again and grabbed my shirt. Our faces were few inches away.

\- Guess I don't have to say anything else, Matt.

He kissed me and my head began to spin around. His lips were so soft and his kiss so demanding.

Before even noticing it I had him pinned under me, among beer cans and ashtrays. The television was still on and it cast an azure light over Mello's face. My breath caught in my throat. He was simply perfect.

And our first time together was perfect to me. Maybe 'cause I would never had imagine that his moans were so sweet, that the way his back arched was so precise. When he came and I felt the wet between our bodies something inside me collapsed.

The ruins are still there and nobody will ever be able to build something else over the destruction my love for him brought.

We almost didn't talk to each other for a week after that night. Maybe we were still to naïve and embarrassed by what we had done. Then we ended like that again, and again. We talked again, we touched again.

 

And even now that I wake up with him by my side every morning I still can stop to venerate him.

I keep dreaming of him and humming his name over and over before falling asleep, as an old loved song.


End file.
